Category: Dating and Relationships
I'm interested to know what people's views are about dating overseas like someone from the US dating someone in China? It would definitely take a lot of trust with both partners but I suppose it could also help strengthen the relationship like dating someone from the same country but different states. As it is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder. The downside of dating accross the world could be that yes, phone/ cyber sex is great, but nothing can replace the real experience and eventually both partners will need the physical love that they can't get from internet dating. Traveling can be a burdden because maybe neither partner may be able to afford the cost.
If you want it to work long term, one partner will have to move to be with the other. However, if you just want someone to go visit from time to time and enjoy on all levels, then I could see how that would work. But I don't think, for example, being married to someone living thousands of miles away seems very practical for a lot of reasons. But hey, there is always an exception to every rule, maybe you or anyone else on here is one of those exceptions.
Absence makes the Heart Grow Fonder ... just another one of those sayings people use to drug or lull themselves into believing what they are experiencing will make it all better some way somehow.
But you can't prove that saying, just as you cannot prove any number of other sayings.
I'd say overseas dating is a pretty long shot, but I can think of two couples it worked for. In one case, the guy moved to the US to be with the woman, in the other the guy moved over to Europe to be with his girlfriend. Scott is right: one person will eventually have to move to where the other is.
I can vouch for the fact that it can and DOES work.
I am in Vancouver, Canada and have been dating someone from London, England for almost a year.
The distance between us sucks donkey's balls, the 8 hour time difference makes talking over Skype somewhat difficult at times and it's expensive to fly back and forth, but we've done it a total of 4 times since Christmas.
We are getting married on November 3rd.
Congrats Kate on the marriage. It works for some but may not always for others, it all depends on how far a person is willing to stretch the relationship.
i agree with what Scott said. ?Depends on what sort of relationship you want to be in. if you looking for something ciber, a fling here and there, by all means, it shouldn't matter if that person is beside you, live a cross the stree from you, or a cross the ocean from you. But if you looking for something long term, eventually, either you or your other half shall make the move to be with each other. Beside the ;lovy bits of in a relationship or in love, there're more than hundrets issue that you may need to over come. I won't see how mmarried to someone that is hundret miles away going to work, or someone who may married to someone else that is thousand miles away. That is rather illogical in any sense of defination and in any sense of relationship left alone, if you talking about marriage. But hey, every one have different way of viewing a relationship so, there.
there are more than 2 examples of successful long term relationship on zone, one travel from Europe across the Atlantic to America, one from America travel across the Pacific to Australia, and so on. But, it is not something for everyone, or for most people. A successful long distant relationship takes alot of trust, patient, love, care, and everything else. It is not so much about physical contact, it is more to the soul level.
I agree with the last poster words wholeheartedly. of trust, patient, love, care, and everything else. It is not so much about physical contact, it is more to the soul level.
I do hope it can be done if both partners are having all the above.
Raaj.
I agree wholeheartedly with all of the above and all of you know that I speak from personal experience. But I can also vouch for the fact that it can and does work. Yes, someone needs to be willing to relocate. Yes, it takes lots of love and patience and all the rest to make it work. And it will either make your love stronger or break you in the process. And it will try to break you, even if your love is strong. It will test your love to the max in every way. And, yes, it's definitely more a soul thing than a physical thing. But, you know what? Once I have my husband, in the end none of it will matter. Second, if we can survive this process with our love strong and intact, we can make it through anything and everything. Third, I wouldn't trade this for anything else in the world, if it means I have my Bernard by my side.
I don't say it can't work, but I'd not "date" anyone more than easy traveling distance. 100 miles or so. If I am dating I need the physical otherwise we are just interested friends.
When you finally get together, and in my opinion, why date if this isn't possible, you might learn that the conversations were sweet, but living together is not. This has also happened on the Zone. Even dating someone from a different city has to get fixed. I speak from personal experience.
It is Friday night, and I need company. I've been talking to Y and like her lots, but I meet Y1 and Y1 comes over on that Friday night. All the promises I've given to Y go out the window, because I've got Y1 here. Y1 might be tempary, but Y1 will brake the love up.
I have not done that, but that is how I see it.
Scott said it best; it all depends on the kind of relationship you wanna be in.
I'll add that, as much as some would idealistically wanna believe love is enough, it really isn't. as humans, we have needs; if those needs aren't able to be met regularly, chances are, it won't work.
I don't think dating someone overseas would be for me. But all the best to those of you who are. :)
To each his own I guess, whatever makes a person happy.
Personally, I think it's okay for people to date people from Overseas. I think it's good for your future children, to learn about different cultures of your parents. Also, it's fun to travel to the Country where your love one is from so personally I think it's just a choice for people. Everyone has their own lives, live the way you want, date the person you want. :)
that raises a question, or a topic... Do you date for the sake of dating, to fur fill the needs of physical attraction, to get along with your other pers who dates and that, or you date for the reason of liking/loving that person? I guess, if you date for the sake of dating, to fur fill the physical needs and that, then, long distant relationship is perhaps not your cup of tea. But, if you connect with the person in a soul level, i a truely loving, care, trust, and that, distant might not be such a big issue compare to before then. But again, as i said, again and again, LDR isn't something for anyone, in fact, it is not, for most people. But, if you got a ldr that work, that could means more than any domestic relationship that may have.
but, the physical aspect of a relationship is just as important as a strong connection (at least as far as I'm concerned). so, if one can have both things over seas and feel satasfied, great. I couldn't, though, no matter how strong a connection is there.
At post 14, that's a double edged sword you're talking about. While it may be "fun" to experience other cultures, that can just as easily make a relationship incompatible. When you talk to someone over Skype, and through text, anything seems possible. You haven't met face to face, you haven't been to their country, met their family, experienced their culture. The two of you could be reaching across thousands of miles, soul to soul, and have a wonderfully close friendship, but as far as I'm concerned, that's all it is. There's nothing wrong with that. But to call it a relationship is a tall order. Until you've gained the acceptance of the person's family, ironed out religious and cultural differences, seen how you fit in with each other's friends, experienced your level of physical chemistry, and many other things, you have no business talking about marriage or even long-term commitment with someone. In a local relationship, we take these things for granted. We experience the physical, emotional and spiritual, usually in such a way that we don't even realize we're growing together until some time goes by and we just know and understand our compatibility. Or, relationships end because of incompatibility. So, while you can, theoretically, get to know someone over the Internet, only when you meet and spend some time together interacting in their world and vice versa can you know for sure whether a relationship can work out for the both of you.
me, I'd rather not do that. I'd rather take the time to get to know a person in real life from day to day, experiencing their moods, their frustrations, their quirks. I guess it's possible for an overseas relationship to work. If long distance relationships work in the same country, why shouldn't they work just because the distance is a bit longer? However, it's not for me for all the reasons I just mentioned.
I'll give an example where a overseas long term relationship which didn't work out in the end.
This happened 2 years ago inOctober, an Australian man married a lady fromAmerica, and the Aussiehas a Daughter from a previous relationship, she's Disabled.
Anyway, theFather went to work one day and his daughter was left home with the Stepmum, the stepmum killed this poor girl and put parts of her body in different places.
The Stepmum was arrested and sent to Jail, the father brought the ashes back here in Australia (well he's trying to but he also has a Criminal reccord in America)
To make a story short, this is just an example of a Bad relationship from Overseas. I'm trying to put my case about a good relationship, maybe once I can get a good one.
That's a horrible story. But of course, it's not to say that overseas relationships don't stand a chance, but to each his own. Whatever the person is happy with.
Personally, an overseas relationship faces a few more barriers than one that is simply long-distance in the same country or in a country next door (Canada to the United States, for instance), but otherwise it's pretty close.
Having done long-distance overseas before, I can tell you that there can be a bit of culture shock. And I can also tell you that, while it didn't work, I learned a whole hell of a lot about both myself and my partner in the process.
I do think it's wise to meet as soon as you can, at the very least so you can see how compatible you are physically and determine how well you can live in one another's world...and yes, if it's long-term you want then you definitely have to consider that one of you is going to make a sacrifice of some kind by moving into unfamiliar territory. Psychologically this is a big deal and cannot be understated, but that doesn't mean it's wrong or can't work, not at all. Just make sure everything's nice and legal so that no one yanks the rug out from under your feet.
Some people say a long-distance relationship is really expensive. I suppose you could look at it that way, because you spend a whole lot of money at once trying to see one another. However, a more local relationship will face far smaller but far more frequent expenses, particularly if stuff like public transit is involved. Costs add up, and it's best not to focus on those unless they're truly prohibitive. What's more, some people will say that you won't get to know someone as well unless you're with them. On some levels that's true, but if you're observant and keep lines of communication open, the sky's the limit as far as what you can learn.
I urge people only to keep an open mind. It works for some, flatly doesn't for others, but it isn't wrong or taboo generally.
ok. i am one of those person's that are keeping a open mind. i feel like any thing is possible. if you just have the willing to be able to talk every day. and keep in tuch. every day. too. on a personal level. it works. i'm in a long term. relationship. but it has worked because i've done some work on traveling to see my other half. only twice. but i'm working on going to visit again. just putting my throughts. in here. it takes commmitment. and loyaltey. and love. to make the firer. work.
I think you're absolutely right Rhonda. If both people in the relationship are completely committed. and loyal to each other, then anything is possible. but it does take a lot of effort on both sides.
well stated shattered. I agree with you, that was really what I was gonna say, well, okay not really, but just about. I prefer my loved one to live in the same country if not closer.